Nicole Musa | NJ Advance Media For NJ.com
By Jessica Remo and Jeremy Schneider | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
Alright, IHOb, we bit.
The beloved pancake restaurant flipped the P in its name to a b, going from the International House of Pancakes to the … drum roll … International House of Burgers on Monday in a gimmicky-brilliant move to highlight those offerings.
The internet exploded with the change — some calling it smart marketing while others, well, weren’t quite so nice.
Quickly we decided: The only way to cover this fracas was from the gut level. We rallied our troops and went to the frontlines. We ordered and, yes, ate all of IHOb’s burgers.
It was a tough job, but someone had to do it. When the final bite was tested, we reached one clear consensus: We still want pancakes.
What it was like at IHOb on Burger Day
We tried to order online, but the website wouldn’t work. Due to demand, could it be? No matter, we called and dealt with a pleasant employee, who only balked when we asked that the burgers be cut into quarters.
“We could, but it will look like diarrhea,” the voice on the line replied.
Well then. Whole it is.
A half-hour later, inside the Edison IHOb (note: the main signs were not changed to reflect the “new” name), the parking lot was packed and the dining room buzzing. Were they eating burgers? Nah, we didn’t see any other brave souls. An employee claimed they had been popular. We remain suspicious.
The car ride back to the office was aromatic, tantalizing, like we’d come back from afar with exotic goods. Except they were burgers. From IHOP.
Jessica Remo | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
At first blush
The fries beckoned. The burger buns were so shiny we could almost see our eager faces. These didn’t look like burgers from a pancake joint. They looked nearly hype-worthy. We were cautiously optimistic as we bore the painful first few minutes needed to photograph them before we could dive in.
The fries
They were medium cut and looked appealing, but tasted like soggy, saltless regret. No crunch, no crunch at all. These fries were an offense to fries everywhere. We had asked for a side of pancakes, but alas, these burgers only come with fries.
The Mega Monster, $11.49
No. Just no. This is their classic burger but with two patties. Don’t do this to yourself or your stomach. Trust us. Run away from this monster.
Nicole Musa | NJ Advance Media For NJ.com
The Cowboy BBQ, $9.99
Yeehaw! We were really excited to giddy-up on this one. Onion rings? Good. Barbecue sauce? Good. Burger? Good. But IHOb's version of the gang? Disaster. The onion rings were decent, with nice crunch, but the barbecue sauce lacked nuance and was cloyingly sweet. Disappointment on a bun.
Jessica Remo | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
The Big Brunch, $10.49
If you want pancakes but are forced into burgers, this burger is the closest to breakfast you’ll get. From bottom: bun, hash browns, burger patty, cheese, fried egg and, oh yeah, bacon. It’s a gut blow and a mess, but not the worst. The runny egg helped moisten the patty and compensate for the dry hash browns. The yolk runoff also made a nice drizzle over the fries. What comes next? The Big Bathroom Break.
The Classic, $6.99
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. The classic was a nice surprise, the cheapest of the bunch, topped with cheese and pickles and some kind of orange-colored McDonald's-esque special sauce. If IHOP ever ran out of pancakes, we might consider ordering this.
Jessica Remo | NJ Advance Media For NJ.com
The Mushroom & Swiss, $9.99
We're feeling Swiss-ly neutral about this one. The thick-cut mushrooms and melty cheese were done right, but it suffered from too much mayo. Cut the mayo and you could have the makings of a No. 1 burger ... at IHOP.
Jessica Remo | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
The Jalapeno Kick, $10.19
Ultimately, the favorite of the bunch, the best of the worst. The jalapeño burger had flavor without being too spicy with bits of jalapeños and pepper jack cheese. Still too much mayo but undeniably tasty. A pleasant surprise that had our hopes high, if only for a moment.
Final thoughts
Jess: I feel the heartburn coming on. I want to unbutton my pants, but I'm in the office. I want a walk. I want sweatpants. I want a time machine, so I can go back to being the person I was a half-hour ago, before I ate any of these.
Jeremy: After being pleasantly surprised with the first few bites, I am now greatly regretting the decision to pitch this story. I am as filled with burger as this marketing move is filled with deception. It's still IHOP, not IHOb! Real talk, these burgers are fine. Some of them are even good! But you know what I want when I go to IHOP? I want pancakes. Give me pancakes. Now.
Jessica Remo may be reached at jremo@njadvancemedia.com. Follow her on Twitter @JessicaRemoNJ. Find NJ.com on Facebook.
Jeremy Schneider may be reached at jschneider@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @J_Schneider. Find NJ.com on Facebook.
Ad Choices